Black Exorcist
by Llama Mcgee
Summary: Kagome's normal life is suddenly turned upside down when he is cast into a world of demon and exorcist. Lucky for him, he's friends and make-out buddies with the great Lord Satan's son and has an odd relationship with a droopy-eyed clown. What could go wrong. Kagome is gender-bent in this story.
1. Chapter 1

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist"

* * *

Warm.

Everything felt warm and fluffy. Kagome snuggled deeper into his bed savoring the comfort. Today just felt like an overall great day. Even his little white dog seemed happy.

...

Wait.

He didn't own a little white dog. He didn't own a dog at all.

Kagome jerked up and stared at the small creature, who in return gave him an amused glance. Sliding out of bed Kagome walked over to the dog and knelt down. Scratching it behind the ears he gave it a small smile

"Oi, how did you get in here." he asked the dog as if it would answer.

"I came through the window, you silly putz."

What . .

Kagome gave the dog a bewildered stare before laughing uneasily. scooping the dog up, he stood to full height. Holding the dog out in front of him, he looked it in the eye, before laughing again.

"For a moment there, I thought you actually answered me. That would be crazy, wouldn't it?"

"Of course it would! People would think you were a lunatic if they caught you talking to a dog and acting like it answered." the animal replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kagome nearly dropped the dog, who was panicking almost as much as he was. Finally getting a good grip on the squirming dog he set it on the bed. Taking a few steps back he studied it closely.

It looked like a perfectly normal dog. It was a white terrier with a large pink ribbon around its neck. There was a small shield attached to it.

"You look like a dog," he said picking it up once again and sniffing it," You even smell like one."

The dog huffed slightly at the last comment and nipped at Kagome's nose. Kagome held the small beast away from his face, trying to keep it from getting gnawed off.

"I will have you know that I, Mephisto Pheles, do NOT smell like a dog! I have a very pleasant scent! Here sniff me again!" he exclaimed pawing the air to get closer to Kagome and make him sniff him. Alas, it seems it was all in vain, for Kagome simply held him at bay.

Mephisto was about to complain when a heavenly scent invaded his nose. Sniffing the air curiously, his mouth started to water. He knew this scent anywhere!

"Hurry you foolish child! She is calling to me."

Kagome gave Mephisto an odd look before asking him who was calling him.

"Quiet and go to the kitchen. She is waiting and you know how much she hates that!"

Sighing Kagome held Mephisto to his chest and made his way downstairs, paying no heed to the impatient dog. Walking into the kitchen he saw what Mephisto was whining about.

His mother was setting a plate full of bacon on the table. She bestowed him with a slightly surprised look as he told Mephisto to shut up.

"Kagome, where did you get that adorable dog from?" she inquired, rushing over to him to coddle the dog. Mephisto licked at her fingers, that were no doubt covered in bacon grease. She giggled and handed Mephisto a strip of bacon, which he greedily gobbled down.

Licking his maws he gave her a begging look; hoping to squeeze another piece of bacon out of her. Kagome scratched Mephisto behind the ears and sat down at the table.

"He told me he came through the window." Kagome said absentmindedly. Grandpa-who was sitting at the table reading the paper- suddenly looked at Kagome. He snatched the bacon Kagome was dangling in front of Mephisto and shoved it in his own mouth.

"Don't feed that demon dog our precious meat! Next thing you know, he'll be expecting our first-born sons and our virgins!" Grandpa ranted, a frantic look in his eyes.

Mama Higurashi shushed Grandpa and gave Kagome another piece of bacon, which he proceeded to torture Mephisto with. Mama smacked him on the back of the head and told him to feed Mephisto properly, whilst Grandpa kept on muttering about sons and virgins.

Souta came downstairs and was greeted with the usual: a pissed off grandpa, an oblivious mother who was cooing over a strange dog, and an older brother who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else.

The perfect family.

~*X*~

Kagome stared at the list his mother had given him and his eye twitched at the very lasting on the list. Written in messy handwriting it demanded that he acquire a ridiculously large amount of bacon.

He opened the flap of the messenger bag he was carrying and glared at the dog who was nestled inside. Mephisto gave him an innocent looked and prompted him to get a move on before Mama yelled at him. Kagome jumped down the the stairs two at a time, not really hurrying.

He looked at the list again and pouted. He'd rather be doing anything else and to make matters worse he was toting around a smug-looking dog.

_**It's barely even noon, I pretty sure I can wander around town for awhile. Yeah, a little walk won't hurt anybody.**_

~*X*~

Kagome hummed quietly to himself as he strolled into the comic book store. Mephisto rustled around in his bag and poked his nose out sniffing the air. Peeking out he spotted a manga with a lewd looking woman on the front.

Glancing at Kagome, he quickly jumped out of the bag and looked around. Seeing as no one was paying attention he trotted over to the manga. Managing to knock it off the shelf, he skimmed through it. Making sure to pay extra attention to the particularly smutty parts.

With the manga clamped between his teeth he walked over to Kagome and pawed at his leg. Kagome panicked, seeing him out of the bag, before scooping the dog up and shoving him back into the messenger bag, never noticing that the dog still had the book in his mouth.

Sensing the suspicious gaze of the lanky and pockmarked teen behind the counter, Kagome threw him a nervous smile and hurriedly left.

~*X*~

He was now sitting in a cafe eating a bowl of nuts across from a dog sipping a latte. A normal everyday scenario.

"Why are you here?" Kagome asked in a deadpanned voice, slightly surprising Mephisto. He sipped at his latte a bit more before answering Kagome.

"You remind me of someone I use to know. She was quite powerful and had such an alluring aura." he answered sincerely.

Kagome plucked a peanut from his bowl and flicked it at Mephisto, who snapped it out of the air and glared half-heartedly at Kagome.

"So, you find and sneak into my house, and eat my bacon because I remind you of a woman. I'm actually kind of flattered." Kagome said, an amused smile playing at his lips. Mephisto snorted and continued to drink his beverage.

"Trust me, that woman was the bane of my existence. The reason being is because, she was a miko and I am a demon. A great one at that." he added haughtily.

**Don't smile, Kagome.**

**Try not to smile.**

**Screw it.**

Kagome couldn't help the laughter that burst out of him. He was holding his sides as tears streamed down his face. The few people in the cafe moved even farther away from him.

"Y-you are a d-demon. HAH! And supposedly a great one. You don't look like you could hurt a pigeon!"

Mephisto growled and jumped from his seat and tugged at Kagome's pants leg.

"Come on, idiotic human, you're causing a scene."

Kagome stood, pulling a couple of bills from his pocket he tossed them on the table. Picking up the fuming dog he walked out of the cafe, still laughing like a madman.

~*X*~

It was late in the evening and they were finally heading towards the store. Kagome's eyes were closed and he was pinching the bridge of his nose. Mephisto wouldn't stop trying to convince him about demons. He sounded a lot like Grandpa.

"Listen! I'll believe in demons when you show me one!" Kagome yelled, startling the people near him. They immediately crossed the street and gave him weary looks.

"If you want to see demons, then open your eyes."

Kagome halted and opened his eyes. What he saw before him nearly made his heart stop. Everywhere little back creatures were floating around and clinging to people, yet no one seemed to notice.

He swatted at the small creatures when they floated near him, and gave Mephisto a bewildered look.

"What the hell are these thing and why doesn't anyone notice them?" Kagome gawked.

"These "things" my Dear Idiot are called coal tar. At the bottom of the food chain, they are harmless. Until they band together, then they can cause quite a problem. They tend to hang around people with dark natures and dark places, they're especially attracted to demons. Also breathing them in can cause your lungs to rot, so close your mouth. To answer your last question, the reason why no one cares is because they can't see them."

Kagome picked Mephisto up and held him by the scruff of the neck, not giving a damn about the disapproving looks he was getting from strangers.

"What do you mean they can't see them? How the hell could they not notice this," he said, motioning to all the coal tar floating around," Why can I see them!"

Mephisto wriggled in Kagome's grip causing the boy to hold him to his chest to keep the small dog from falling.

"They reason why you can see them-as I was trying to explain at the cafe- is because the blood and power of Midoriko lies within you."

Kagome was about to retort when a loud hissing sound filled his ears. Looking around he instantly held Mephisto tighter when he spotted what the noise was coming from.

A huge centipede lady.

Great, just fucking great.

The creature had the face and upper body of a woman with many arms, while the lower part was a centipede. She looked at him and licked her lips, hungrily she eyed Kagome, who was having a full blown panic-attack.

**I think I just shit myself in another universe.**

"My Dear Idiot, whilst it is entertaining to watch you in such a chaotic state, the best thing to do right now is run." Mephisto chided as he nipped at the boy's fingers.

Kagome jumped when he received a mildly painful bite and noticed that -Lady was creeping closer.

Being the logical young man he was, Kagome ran for dear life.

~*X*~

He was going to die. He was totally going to die and the worst thing about it, he was going to die with a slightly annoying dog who liked lattes.

"Give me the jewel human and your death shall be somewhat less painful." Mistress Centipede hissed as she lunged at Kagome and ended up getting a mouthful of concrete.

**Nopenopenopenopenopenope!**

Kagome was running as fast as his legs would take him. He didn't know where to go. He didn't want to go back to the shrine, but he also didn't want to die today. That definitely wasn't on the list.

Oh god the list!

He definitely couldn't go to the shrine now. If the demon didn't kill him, then his mother surely would.

"My Dear Idiot, make a left at the upcoming corner and then keep going straight. It will get you to somewhere safe." Mephisto instructed him as if he was back at the cafe, and not running away from a demon.

Without hesitation Kagome swerved left at the corner and kept running. His lungs burned as if there was a fire in them. He shoved people out of the way without apologizing or looking back. He ignored the ignored the insults they hurled at him. Right now the only thing he care about was not being eaten.

"Turn right up here and you should soon see the gates of sanctuary, Dear Idiot."

~*X*~

Mephisto was right about the gates of sanctuary. Before him was a church with gates, that were hastily being closed. He tried to call out, but he was out of air. He managed to reach the almost closed gates, but couldn't go any further. He needed air now.

He gulped greedily at the cool night air and almost savored the feeling of it smothering the fire in his lungs. Mephisto jumped from his arms and tried to tug him inside the gates.

Kagome took a step towards the gate, but was grabbed roughly from behind. He was turned and forced to look into the black eyes of death. The men at the gates yelled and Mephisto seemed to have run off.

"Idiotic boy! You should have given me the jewel when I first demanded it. Now I shall relish every moment as I rip the jewel out of you and devour your corpse." she snarled and seemed to unhinge her jaws.

A twisted look of horror crossed Kagome's face as he shoved his hand out hoping to push her away. Once Kagome's hand made contact with Mistress Centipede a blinding lavender colored energy burst forth.

Mistress Centipede screeched in pain and threw Kagome away from her. He hit the ground with a hard thud and lay there.

Everything was going dark. He heard muffled voices, they sounded concerned and frightened. A small smile appeared on his face.

**Someone else can see her.**

"Finally."

~*X*~

His head hurt, he was cold, and he was wet. A perfect start for the day.

He cracked open one eye and gazed at the gray sky. It was pouring down rain and here he was lying in the mud. Slowly sitting up he rubbed at his head, trying to ignore the dull pounding.

Looking around he took in his surroundings. He was surrounded by tombstones and statues of holy figures.

"So this is what being dead feels like. Not gonna lie, I'm not impressed. The big man needs to step up his A-game or something. It seems as though the oh-so great demon didn't die with me either. I'm actually kind of sad." Kagome mused to himself, completely oblivious to the people surrounding him.

"It's nice to know I made such an impression, my Dear Idiot." a smug voice echoed.

Kagome's eye twitch and he immediately began to search for the presumably dead dog. Only instead of finding a dead dog, he came across a clown holding an umbrella with an ice cream handle.

"Who the hell are you?" Kagome said striking the clown with a confused look.

"It's me, my Dear Idiot, Mephisto Pheles." he said sticking his hand out for Kagome to shake. Kagome glowered at the hand before knocking it away. He threw Mephisto an annoyed glance before turning around and starting to wander off.

"Where do you think you're going." Mephisto asked slightly peeved at the frigid attitude he was receiving.

"I'm going to go find a drowned white rat that bares a resemblance to a dog." Kagome replied with a dreamy voice. Mephisto snapped his fingers and a large black clad figure picked Kagome up and distributed him in front of Mephisto.

"Ah, I always knew you were an idiot, but I didn't think it was this severe. I am that cute, adorable dog from yesterday." he said, petting Kagome on the head.

He was caught off guard when Kagome sent a swift right hook at his face. He managed to dodge the first few jabs, sadly he failed to avoid the headbutt that was sent his way.

"What was that for!" he exclaimed, while holding his abused nose.

"Mama always said that if a random stranger tries to get friendly with you, give 'em a good clean right hook, or a headbutt."

"That witch!"

* * *

I hoped you enjoyed that. Please leave a review, and have a nice fucking day. You might even be thinking about going outside, but beware, there be monsters out there.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the story. Tough shit for me, right.

* * *

"Okay, so let me get this straight., I'm the descendant of some all-powerful miko whom you might or might not have possessed a hard on for."

"Yep."

"I have inherited her mystical-magical power whatchamacallits."

"Yep."

"Demons are now going to start coming after me to get some magical marble that I'm guessing I swallowed as a baby."

"Something like that."

"And you are a great demon, who just happens to look like a droopy eyed, pimped out, doped up clown."

"That's right, sweetheart." Mephisto finished, making sure to send Kagome a look just screaming 'I find you dense, but amusingly so.'

…

"Seems legit."

~oOo~

Kagome's been in a lot of weird situations before, but standing in a graveyard with a demon surrounded by large men in black suits while it was pouring down rain is a new one. It's also like that one birthday party Grandpa threw for him when he was six, minus the demon. Kagome was pretty sure Grandpa was popping the molly and sweating at that time, too.

"So, now that we've gotten everything straightened out, can you tell me what exactly it is that you want?" Kagome asked causing a smirk to slither onto Mephisto's face.

"Well~, since you asked so nicely, I suppose I can tell you. I require you to enroll in the True Cross Academy and start training as an exorcist. Oh, and don't worry, it will solely be on a full-ride scholarship. Isn't that nice," Mephisto exclaimed while caressing Kagome's cheek, earning him another head butt.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were part ram."

Kagome blew a lock of hair out of his face before turning his attention to the pimped out clown. He really didn't want to go anywhere with this clown, but at the same time he didn't want to go home and get his ass kicked by his mother just because he forget to get some milk. Don't make mama mad, you won't like her when she's mad.

Lessee', go with the smarmy clown, or face his pissed mother.

…

"So, when do I start exactly?"

~oOo~

His mother always told him life was like a box of chocolates and so far she was right, because tomorrow, Kagome would officially start his training as an exorcist, well, something like that. He was pretty sure that would look amazing on a resume. Better yet, it would look absolutely fantabulous on his patient sheet when they lock him up in an insane asylum.

Sighing, Kagome trudged his way through the thick and gooey mud. He needed to get home and tell his mother about his sudden transfer to an extremely prestigious school. Hopefully, he can make it there before Mephisto does and adds on some superfluous bullshit to make sure his mother agrees to let him go. Damn clowns and their mind games.

**_At least he had the decency to give me an umbrella._**

As he continued to work out his noodle like leg muscles, Kagome heard voices and stopped. Glancing around, he noticed a boy standing in front of a grave without an umbrella, looking mighty down.

Looking up at the umbrella Mephisto had given him, Kagome sighed for the infinite time that day and began to make his way towards the boy. Until he saw the figure standing next to him was actually floating, as in not touching the ground, as in he was a ghost. Then again, Kagome wasn't really sure, maybe the stress was getting to him and he was just hallucinating. Rubbing his eyes, Kagome looked again and was positive this time that the guy was floating and transparent.

_Great! Not only am I a wizard and have a freaky stalker, but now I can see ghosts. What next then? Am I going to get transported to the twilight zone and smoke a cigarette with whatever that guy's name is! Ah! Screw it all.  
_

_Marching over to the boy, Kagome grabbed his shoulder and harshly spun the boy around. Brushing off the puzzled expression he was sent, he shoved the umbrella into the boy's empty hands before huffing. Just looking at this guy was making Kagome depressed and irritated, and the weird black aura surrounding his sword wasn't making it any better._

_Leveling Kagome with a pointed look, the boy sharply asked,"Who the fuck are you?"_

_"Who the fuck are you?" Kagome retorted just as keen._

_"I asked you first."_

_"I asked you second."_

_..._

"Well," the floating figured murmured, finally speaking up," Rin, did in fact ask you first, but then again_, _you _did_ ask him second."

Turning in the direction of the ghost, Kagome promptly told him to shut his clown whore mouth and let him talk.

"Listen, I didn't fucking walk five zillion miles just to give you my umbrella and argue. What I came over here to say was, cheer up pup. I don't really know what your situation is, but if it involves a dead old man, then he probably wouldn't want you standing out here in the rain, hunting for colds. He'd want you to straighten up and keep a stiff upper lip because you're finally becoming a man, _Rin. _Yup, that is totally what he would say. " Kagome declared, hoping Rin would buy it.

After polishing off his little monologue, Kagome happily poked Rin's cheek and snickered before turning to depart. Well, he was going to before Rin grabbed his wrist and refused to let go. Looking back, Kagome noticed he had an odd gleam in his eyes. A glimmer that was beginning to unnerve Kagome to a greater extent than need be. It was the same gleam Grandpa got when he was playing bingo, one of unfettered determination.

"Hey, do you think that maybe I'll be able to see you again?" It was a flustered and tentative question, and... kinda sweet.

"If you go to True Cross Academy, then I'm sure our paths will cross again." Kagome hastily replied, finally managing to work his hand from Rin's. The guy had a grip like a demon, and his mother would have an attitude like one if he didn't hurry up and get home.

Tossing a wave back to Rin and the ghost, Kagome darted off hoping that maybe Mephisto got hit by an ice cream truck, or maybe he got sidetracked by bacon and dirty manga.

~oOo~

No such luck.

Because if Mephisto had been hit by a truck, Kagome wouldn't have gotten stuck in a pink limo with a clown, the guy from the cemetery, and the guy from the cemetery's brother.

~oOo~

After nearly hitting a flock of old people and almost mowing down a group of children, the limo had finally ridden into the city part of True Cross Academy. That's right, _the city part_. Of course it couldn't just be a school, that would be too simple. It had to be a city and a prodigious one at that.

Pressing his face against the window, Kagome couldn't help but gawk at the entire thing. If he didn't know any better, he'd think that this place made up a large portion of Japan, and now that he thought about it, he really wouldn't be surprised if it attracted a lot of demons. He didn't know where the feeling came from, but he was positive it was right. Maybe it was from being so close to Rin's creepy sword, or it was Mephisto, who possessed an ominous aura that made Kagome jumpy just being near him.

Doesn't matter though, Kagome was going to have to get use to it, because starting today, he was training to be an exorcist.

And it was gonna be one hell of a ride

* * *

Whew! After a century, it finally be posted. The second chapter and I sincerely, truly, and genuinely apologize about how long it took and that it's so rushed. I just happen to be one of the laziest motherfuckers in the world. Anywhats, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I promise to try and update more frequently. Llama OUT!


	3. Still Alive!

Hey you guys~ *Que trumpets and confetti* This isn't an update, but at the same time it still kind of is. I know I've been gone for like a zillion years, but I've decided to continue this story. At first I wasn't going to and I was probably going to discontinue it but then I noticed that people were still reading it and liking it, so, fuck it, I'll keep going. I'm actually pretty excited about it! Be prepared for some updates! This will probably be easier for me to update since I'm following a story line already while twisting it. Also, I'll be going by the manga-which I need to start reading again- instead of the anime. I have like two questions though that I want to ask. First, what type of meister do you guys want Kagome to be because I'm totally leaning towards tamer. It seems the most fitting, but I don't know. Also, should Kagome still use a bow and arrows or would they be too much of a hindrance? Third question! Bet you weren't expecting that. Should Kagome end up with Rin? Does this even need to be asked? In my mind, Rin totally wants that ass. 10/10 would tap that. . .and he will probably. Like, do you ship it, or nah?

These are just random questions that don't actually have to be answered. I just want you to have some sway over what happens in the story.

Once again, I just wanted you to know that I'm still alive and that this story isn't completely dead and will be updated. I have a job though and have to actually do "Adult Things" so it might take some time, but it will live once again! And I'm still super sorry for it being forever since I've updated! Please forgive! Keep your eyes peeled though because things are about to get messy! ๑•́ㅿ•̀๑) ᔆᵒʳʳᵞ

But seriously though you all are so nice for sticking around so long! I can't even~

ପ(๑•̀ुᴗ•̀ु)* ॣ৳৸ᵃᵑᵏ Ꮍ৹੫ᵎ *ॣ


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